Hog Dodgers Bag Another Japanese Phenom

Well, well, well. It seems the Los Angeles Dodgers have done it again. Just when you thought they couldn’t possibly stuff any more Japanese talent into their overflowing roster, they’ve gone and snatched up Roki Sasaki, the 23-year-old Japanese pitching sensation whose fastball casually cruises past 100 mph. Yep, the Dodgers are basically the piggy bank of MLB, hoarding all the shiny coins, and now they’ve added Sasaki to their already sparkling collection. They’re hog slobs.

In a move that surprised absolutely no one, Sasaki took to Instagram to announce his intentions to sign with you guessed it the World Series champion Los Angeles Dodgers. Sorry, Yankees, Marlins, Red Sox – you guys never really had a shot. The Dodgers, sitting pretty on the West Coast, holding all the cards, are now the undisputed kings of MLB.

Remember those good old days when the Yankees and Red Sox had that heated rivalry, battling it out for the likes of Hideki Matsui, Daisuke Matsuzaka, and Masahiro Tanaka? Yeah, that’s ancient history. Back then, the East Coast was all the rage. Now? It’s clear as day – the Dodgers are the new dynasty, and the East Coast teams are left picking up the scraps.

Shohei Ohtani, Yoshinobu Yamamoto, and now Roki Sasaki – it’s like the Dodgers have a direct line to Japan, or maybe a magnet that pulls in every top-tier Japanese pitcher. What’s that? San Diego Padres and Toronto Blue Jays were also in the mix? Cute. But let’s be honest, they were just there to fill out the roster of potential suitors.

Sasaki’s Instagram post was all humble gratitude, thanking his supporters and expressing his excitement about wearing the Dodgers uniform. He called it a tough decision, but let’s face it, how tough could it really be when the Dodgers come knocking? It’s LA, baby! Dammit!

And let’s not forget all that agent chatter about small-market teams – yeah, that clearly went straight out the window. LA is massive, much like NY, but with better weather and fewer existential crises about whether the team will make it past the postseason.

So here we are, with Sasaki joining Ohtani and the gang, setting up the Dodgers for even more domination. They came to win, and they’re here to win for a long, long time. The rest of the league? Well, you might want to start scouting the next generation of international talent, because the Dodgers are playing on a whole different level.

Good for Roki. Good for the Dodgers. But let’s be clear, the Yankees have done terrific things this offseason, so it’s time to focus on them now that this guy went west.  

Let’s go Yanks! I smell a World Series rematch!