10 signs someone is actually not a good person (even if they think they are), according to psychology

From the Personal Branding Blog

We often like to believe the best of people, but sometimes, they’re just not as good as they seem.

It might be hard to swallow, but someone’s belief about their own character doesn’t always align with the truth.

Psychology has given us tools to identify the signs. And it turns out, there are certain behaviours that could indicate someone isn’t as virtuous as they think they are.

Let’s dive into these 10 signs that someone may not be a good person, even if they think they are. You might be surprised at what you find.

1) They’re constantly playing the victim

We all face hardships in life, no one is exempt from that. But there’s a difference between experiencing difficulties and constantly playing the victim.

People who habitually blame others for their own misfortunes may not be as good-hearted as they think they are. They shirk responsibility and paint themselves as the innocent party, often to manipulate situations in their favor.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It’s normal to feel like a victim under certain circumstances. But if someone consistently sees themselves as the perpetual victim, refusing to acknowledge their role in any negative situation, that’s when alarm bells should start ringing.

When you encounter someone always playing the victim card, take a moment to evaluate. They might not be as virtuous as they believe themselves to be.

2) Their apologies lack sincerity

One thing I’ve learned over the years is to listen closely when someone says they’re sorry. Psychology tells us that a genuine apology is an essential part of showing remorse and empathy.

I once had a friend who would apologize for things, but it was always followed by a “but” or an excuse. It was more about justifying their actions than expressing regret. They would say something along the lines of, “I’m sorry I forgot your birthday, but I’ve been really busy lately.”

At first, I used to brush it off. But over time, I realized this was a pattern. Their apologies were never about their actions; it was always about them, their reasons, and their circumstances.

An apology should be an acknowledgement of one’s mistake and a promise to try not to repeat it. If someone constantly apologizes without showing any remorse or willingness to change, they may not be as good a person as they believe themselves to be.

3) They display a lack of empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s a fundamental aspect of being human. But did you know that some people are unable to empathize with others?

Psychologists have found that people who consistently lack empathy, even when faced with clear emotional distress in others, may not be as good as they think they are. This lack of empathy can be a trait of narcissistic personality disorder, which is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance and a lack of understanding or interest in other people’s feelings.

So, when someone is consistently indifferent to the feelings or experiences of others, it’s a strong indication that they may not be the virtuous person they perceive themselves to be.

4) They’re excessively controlling

We all like things done a certain way, but there’s a fine line between preference and control. Those who always insist on their way, disregarding the feelings or opinions of others, are exhibiting a classic sign of not being as good as they think they are.

Control can be subtle, manifesting as constant advice or persistent suggestions. But it can also be overt and manipulative, such as making decisions for others without their consent.

A good person respects the autonomy and decision-making capacity of others. So if you notice someone constantly trying to control situations or people around them, it’s worth taking a second look at their character.

5) They frequently break promises

In life, we all fall short sometimes. We might miss a deadline or forget a commitment. But when someone consistently breaks their promises, it’s a clear sign of disrespect for others and their time.

Psychology tells us that people who frequently break promises may lack integrity and honesty. These are core values that good people hold dear.

If you find yourself dealing with someone who rarely keeps their word, you might be dealing with a person who isn’t as good as they think they are. Actions speak louder than words, and broken promises are actions that speak volumes.

6) They lack compassion for others

One of the most beautiful qualities we can possess as human beings is compassion. It’s the ability to feel for others and to genuinely want to alleviate their suffering.

But sadly, not everyone carries this trait. Some people are indifferent to the pain and struggles of those around them. They might even trivialize or dismiss other people’s feelings or hardships. This lack of compassion can be heartbreaking, particularly when it comes from someone you thought was a good person.

If you encounter someone who consistently shows no compassion for others, it’s a clear sign they may not be as virtuous as they think they are. Remember, a good person doesn’t have to move mountains but should at least possess a kind heart.

7) They’re quick to judge others

Growing up, I was always taught not to judge a book by its cover. Yet, I’ve encountered people who seem to form opinions about others based on shallow observations or preconceived notions.

According to psychology, quick judgement often stems from a lack of understanding or willingness to understand others. It can also be a sign of insecurity, where someone tries to elevate themselves by putting others down.

The realization that someone I thought was a good person was in fact quick to judge left me with a bitter taste. It’s a stark reminder that true goodness involves patience, understanding, and acceptance of others’ differences.

8) They’re overly nice

While this may seem surprising, being too nice can actually be a sign that someone isn’t as good as they think they are. Now, I’m not saying that kindness is a bad thing – far from it. But when someone is excessively nice all the time, it can sometimes mask a hidden agenda.

Psychology suggests that people who are overly nice may be seeking approval, attention, or control. They might use their niceness as a tool to manipulate others or to avoid conflict.

So, if you encounter someone whose niceness feels forced or insincere, it might be worth taking a closer look. Genuine goodness isn’t about being nice all the time, it’s about being real, honest, and considerate.

9) They always have to be right

Disagreements are a part of life. We all have different opinions and perspectives. But when someone always has to be right, it could be a sign that they’re not as good as they think they are.

Psychology tells us that individuals who constantly need to win arguments may be struggling with issues of ego and insecurity. They might feel the need to assert their dominance or superiority, even at the cost of others’ feelings.

If you find yourself dealing with someone who can’t accept being wrong or who disregards other viewpoints, it could be a telltale sign of their true character.

10) They lack self-awareness

Perhaps the most revealing sign that someone isn’t as good as they think they are is a lack of self-awareness. This is the ability to objectively evaluate oneself, acknowledge flaws, and strive for improvement.

When someone lacks self-awareness, they’re often blind to their shortcomings and how their actions affect others. They may believe they’re a good person without truly understanding what that means.

Self-awareness is a cornerstone of emotional intelligence and a mark of a truly good person. So, when it’s missing, it’s a strong indication that someone may not be as virtuous as they believe themselves to be.

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